New Year Gratitude

January 1, 2019

I’ve been so MIA on here!

I’m back to looking for inspiration, and I really need it right now.

I’ve felt sad for much of 2018. My dad died suddenly early in the year and unfortunately, that defined the entire year.

While I’m going to be processing this for a long while (cry days are plentiful and frequent), and while I am really never going to overlook the assholes in everyday life, I would very much like to get myself into a habit of acknowledging the positives in my life, on a daily basis.

So while I will still complain to my friends and bitch about things that are insufferable, I would like to carve out a few minutes each day to appreciate my privilege.  Could be past or present, big or small, mundane or deep. But I’d like to think of something I’m grateful for every day. Maybe it will change my long term outlook – who knows?

Day 1 of gratitude: I am so grateful to have gainful employment that allows me to have a roof over my head, food on my table,  and anything else I need. I think we often forget that many of us, however comfy, are only a few degrees separated from losing everything, and being like the guy living in a box on the street. I’m appreciative of my mental health (however precarious that shit is), my capacity to work, and all the circumstances that allow me to maintain my independence. 🙏🏼


Precious by Design



How Do I Wean Myself Off Pessimism?

April 27, 2017

I’m sure a therapist would have a field day with me.

I have this weird inclination to expect the worst, especially if I’m struggling, but even if I’m not. Any self-respecting optimist will lecture you about thinking positive in order to attract positive things. Mind you, if any of these optimists knew anything about physics, they’d know that a negative charge attracts a positive charge, so…there’s that.

I have a superstition I never even realized I had. 99% of the time, I train myself to hope for the best, but expect the worst.

I’ve been anxious all week because of work things, including a conference I knew I’d be attending. I was convinced it would be a horrendous experience for various reasons that I won’t get into – and half-way through the convention, I am realizing this is one of the best experiences I’ve ever had at this particular conference. Instead of taking this as evidence that I should let myself expect better, I think, deep down, I’m convinced that my stress contributed to the goodness. I know that’s ludicrous, of course. But still…

Does anyone else suffer from this bizarre affliction?

I’m bordering on having an existential crisis

March 14, 2017

Have you ever been consumed by a sense that you should be somewhere else, or doing something else…or both? My mind has been buzzing lately. I feel fairly certain that my life needs a significant shake-up, but I can’t seem to settle my racing thoughts long enough to formulate any ideas. Actually, that’s not quite true. I can think of many things I’d love to try…things like relocating to somewhere completely new, changing careers, exploring outlandish lifestyle options that would take me out of the rat race….but I can’t begin to figure out how to even start. All I can think about are all the obstacles. Do I just throw a dart at a vision board, pick something, and work towards it? I wish I could just teleport to a terrace in Barcelona and transform my life accordingly. Of course, instantaneous change is a pipe dream. There is usually no quick fix. I believe that a dream scenario in itself is indeed attainable, and the path to such a scenario can be exhilarating. I just can’t calm down long enough to chart the path.

How do I quiet my inner chatter and focus? God, I need to go visit a shrink.

“Je ne sais quoi” is 4 words, not a 4-letter word.

February 13, 2017

“The secret to being a bore is to tell everything.” – Voltaire

I would go one step further and say that the secret to being an epic bore is to tell everything, and tell it in a hundred different ways.

One of the things I’ve lost patience for, since becoming an adult, is having to listen to people yammering on for longer than they should.  It’s amazing how many people go on and on when they could just spit out whatever it is that they have to say, and move on.

I’m obviously a fan of long, drawn-out conversations when it involves a juicy discussion with a friend about, say, a date – or anything else that requires extensive analysis. Obviously, these types of discussions are exempt from my wrath.  I’m also forgiving of the “drunken repeat”, where someone rehashes the same point over and over at a party because we’ve all been sipping on the sauce. That’s usually cute.

I am fresh out of tolerance, however, for people who feel like it’s acceptable to assault me with  lengthy accounts of dull things that don’t require lengthy accounts.

Do you remember in high school (and college or university), when the really good teachers and professors used to make it crystal clear that the essay they were assigning had better be succinct and boast quality over quantity?

I currently have regular contact with several people (ahem, professionally) who never learned that lesson – and who are, in fact, so thick that they likewise are incapable of reading between the lines in anyone else’s musings as well. Conversations with these people last for centuries. With one particular idiot, I literally let him think I agree with him half the time just  so the conversation can end, because listening to him is absolutely excruciating.

It would be funny if my life was a sitcom and I could throw snark at these nimrods – but alas, I am stuck being diplomatic and quietly homicidal.

I’m starting to see why people give it all up to go sell seashells on the seashore.

Would you rather…?

January 12, 2017

In the workplace, what would be easier for you? Loving your actual job and working alongside unpleasant people? Or would you rather have a crappy job and love the people you work with? Obviously, neither is ideal, but which would be the lesser of two evils? I think I’d prefer the former, provided it was temporary, because the job itself would motivate me to wake up in the morning, and the idiot colleagues would provide material for story characters. Then again, unpleasant people do a number on your psyche. The sting of a sub-par job would be soothed by the presence of great friends.

Truth be told, there are idiots everywhere. The best you can hope for is a workplace where a) your job is fabulous and there’s a minimal number of jerks or b) you work for yourself.

More on this topic this weekend. Goodnight!