That Love Aesthetic

February 3, 2017

I was listening to some music, and this timeless song came on:

I was listening to the lyrics – like, really listening (which, honestly, I don’t necessarily do often when listening to my tunes) – and I was transported back to the times when I’ve felt this way.

“I still really, really love you. Love is stronger than pride.”

That line killed me because I have been there. What a gorgeous, yet excruciating feeling love can be.

I’m the most prideful person I know, and yet my pride couldn’t protect me from that almost debilitating feeling you get when you’re madly in love…that strange euphoria you feel unrelentingly… even the masochistic version you feel after the object of your affection has disappointed or hurt you.

Unfortunately (or fortunately), I feel like the emotional transformation I’ve been through over the last year or so has kept me from letting myself feel that way again. I’ve dissected every one of my past relationships and come out on the other end with a new disdain for some guys, and a new appreciation for others. But most notably, I feel more cut-throat in a Queen of Hearts kind of way. I fear that I don’t currently possess the chip that would allow me to fall truly, madly, deeply.

Maybe that will change. I hope so. I hope I can get back to that heart-beating-out-my-chest, thrills-before-common-sense feeling, at some point.

It’s hard, because I don’t have any desire to experience that crippling heart-wrenching pain of heartbreak ever again. But on the other hand…that feeling when you love someone more than you can handle…whoa. That’s when you’re really living.


Time Travel & the Former Self

January 18, 2017

Ever wanted to go back in time and counsel your younger self? Same here. Mostly not to take any shit from anyone.

These are some of the ways in which I would help out baby Precious….

1.  About those guys I politely declined for dates. The ones I’d been friends with previously, and then, after I gave the the “thank you for the offer, but no thank you” response, treated me like actual trash…I would tell my younger self to verbally eviscerate these trash bags, and to forget about trying to be likeable and trying to save these idiots’ egos. I remember one guy in particular, who did his best to make me feel inadequate just because I’d said no (which I said while apologizing for my “no”, which – wtf). I wish I’d just told him no and then laughed at his subsequent meanness. Just to make sure he knew how fucking idiotic he was for his behaviour.

2. I wish I’d recognized the ways in which certain girls were edging me out of friendship circles, and I wish I’d just walked away, instead of sticking around and letting these girls treat me like a  2nd class citizen.

3. I wish I’d listened to my instinct when I wasn’t sure I wanted to include this one crazy bitch in my friends’ weekly happy hour event. Including her meant having to spend over a decade trying to shake this bitch off. Swear to god. Anyway, I’d tell my younger self to be more ruthless and just “do you”.

4. I wish I’d immediately told that one boyfriend I wasn’t into long term relationships when he passive-aggressively guilted me into a long term relationship. I wish I’d understood that I was within my right to be flaky and drop this dude (who ended up being a jerk anyway).

Age-Old Question: Can Men and Women Maintain Platonic Relationships?

January 7, 2017

I live in a big city, so I walk a lot. The other day, I overheard a conversation between two guys who were walking a few paces behind me.  They were discussing some sort of conundrum that one of the men was facing.  It had something to do with his desire to change his relationship status with a female friend from “platonic” to “romantic”.  I hadn’t been paying a whole lot of attention to their discussion until I heard Conundrum Guy say “Anyway, I told her that I cherish the friendship.”

Call me a cynic or whatever you will, but this line was enough to have me laughing on the inside – I didn’t want to collapse in hysterics right there on the street, shocking and wounding Conundrum Guy.  It’s obvious to me, however, that this guy is letting his crush believe that he values her friendship above all else, when, really, he just plans to hover in the hopes that she will eventually give in and see him as more than just a pal. Read the rest of this entry »

3 Somewhat Unlikely Things Men Have Taught Me

January 6, 2017

Everyone who knows me knows that I love men.  Gay, straight, and everything beyond and in between.  I’ve just always related to guys really well, starting from way back in my childhood. Not so much that I’ve ever wanted to be one because let’s face it: being a girl is *FABULOUS*.  Am I right, ladies? I mean, other than the oppression and discrimination that we’ve faced since the beginning of time.  But work with me, here.  I’m trying to be a little less ranty than I’m used to being.

I tend to love my boys, but I do have a concentrated pool of fantastic females whom I love and admire, and regardless of my love for the male contingent in my life, I always feel obligated to acknowledge my girls.

I realized the other day, though, that some of my favorite and most enduring beauty tips have come from men; Read the rest of this entry »

5 Men Who Can’t Handle Me

January 12, 2012

I’m not your typical girl.  Never have been.  Not only am I okay with this, I’m proud of it.  It’s what makes me who I am, and those who love me are particularly taken with that aspect of me.

I wouldn’t say I’m a tomboy, but I’m also not a total girly girl.  Let’s put it this way, hanging out with any all-female group of more than 4 or 5 women for an extended period (like, say…an hour) sort of makes me break out in hives.  I find the viral videos “Shit Girls Say” somewhat humorous, but usually watch them with a blank look on my face because I personally don’t relate.  Interestingly, though, if ever I were to need back-up in a frightening confrontation, I would most likely want my sassiest female friends with me, as opposed to any of the guys I’m friends with – and that includes the vast majority of all the guys I’ve ever dated.  This is because I tend to become friends with girls who have a mindset similar to mine – i.e. girls who are comfortable with their sexiness, exude intelligence and confidence – and, due to their strong opinions, can verbally shut someone down instantaneously.

When it comes to men, said mindset sometimes works to my advantage and makes me feel like I have magical powers.  And sometimes, it bites me in the ass. Read the rest of this entry »

Anatomy of the “We” Monster

July 27, 2011

Have you ever noticed that certain people completely lose the “I” in their lives when they become part of a couple?

“We” monster: formerly cool friend who undergoes an unfortunate metamorphosis whenever he or she embarks upon a romantic relationship.

Chances are good that you either know a “we” monster, are guilty of being a “we” monster, or both. I have personally been commended by more than a few friends for Precious-in-a-Relationship’s striking resemblance to Single-Precious, so I’ve earned the right to be smug and condescending towards these creatures.  If you’re at all familiar with these people, you can agree that they have it coming.

You’ve known your pal forever.  Together, you’ve laughed your way in and out of dozens of relationship adventures, and up until now you thought of this person as a reliable confidant(e) and maybe even a partner-in-crime.  You feel like you know this person pretty well.

Then your friend finds herself (let’s assume it’s a female friend for our purposes, although guys are equally as likely to undergo this ugly transformation) in a relationship that is more functional, at first glance, than any of her past attempts at coupling up.

At first, you’re thrilled for her and look forward to the juicy tidbits she’ll no doubt be imparting as she and her new beau fall for each other.  You naturally expect her to be less available as she’ll be busy running through a meadow picking flowers and gazing longingly at her new love – or something to that effect (read: doing it like rabbits) – but you still figure that, as your friend, and as a civilized human being, she will continue to be a bright, positive force in your life.  So you’re absolutely not ready for what comes next.

Read the rest of this entry »

When Bad Dates Happen to Nice-ish People

April 15, 2011

The other day, a girlfriend of mine was regaling me with the details of a horrific date she’d been on.  It was so horrifying that it was funny, as is typical of a bad date – as long as you don’t take yourself too seriously, which we most certainly don’t.  We always suspect that karma is sending us presents for some of the mischief we get into.

“Definitely my worst date EVER,” my friend said, decisively.

“Well,” I giggled, as I involuntarily spewed part of my martini out through my nose.  “At least you got a great anecdote out of it!”

My girlfriends and I love to discuss, in painstaking detail, all drama that has ensued as a result of our dating disasters.  Sometimes on a date, I’ve actually felt myself waiting impatiently for the end to come, just so that I could speed-dial whoever and recount the gory details.  I’ve traditionally been greeted by disturbed gasps, followed closely by hysterical laughter.

While my friend and I discussed her disappointing rendez-vous, I started thinking back to some of my all-time greatest dating stories, and realized that some of the worst are also the most riveting – and by “riveting”, I mean “a disturbing and entertaining blend of horrifying and hilarious”. Read the rest of this entry »