My wish for this International Women’s Day is for at least a few men and women (who don’t get it yet) to be awakened to the idea that being a feminist does not equal man-hating, or extremism, or hypersensitivity. It takes time and education to get there. I personally learned so much about things I didn’t realize I needed to learn, as recently as 5-6 years ago. It’s okay not to be completely enlightened, as long as you realize it’s never too late to open your heart and mind. All love! ❤️
Given the choice, would you prefer to be in a series of highly stimulating, generally healthy relationships, with no guarantee of happily ever after, or have one life partner you felt somewhat bored but comfortable with? Which scenario spells success for you personally?
I hear about “magical” meetings all the time, where people know right away that someone is their “soulmate” or similar.
This is an honest-to-goodness question from me to you: am I just jaded?
Because I do not posess the emotional gear to believe in this shit. Maybe it’s due in part to my personal past, but if a guy told me I was his forever within a week after meeting me, he’d basically see a cloud of dust, and I’d long have disappeared into the witness protection program. I really can’t subscribe to this kind of fantasy. Even if he was right, and we did end up madly in love 30 years out, I’d rather he keep those cards close to his chest for at least….well, longer than a week. I have had enough long term relationships to know that shit comes to light fast and often over the first several years. Even more after you live together.
I would have some serious cross-examination questions for those who have been “happily” married for decades after such a hasty beginning. Because something tells me their “happily ever after” doesn’t mirror mine.
Goodnight from my cynical self 😏
I was listening to some music, and this timeless song came on:
I was listening to the lyrics – like, really listening (which, honestly, I don’t necessarily do often when listening to my tunes) – and I was transported back to the times when I’ve felt this way.
“I still really, really love you. Love is stronger than pride.”
That line killed me because I have been there. What a gorgeous, yet excruciating feeling love can be.
I’m the most prideful person I know, and yet my pride couldn’t protect me from that almost debilitating feeling you get when you’re madly in love…that strange euphoria you feel unrelentingly… even the masochistic version you feel after the object of your affection has disappointed or hurt you.
Unfortunately (or fortunately), I feel like the emotional transformation I’ve been through over the last year or so has kept me from letting myself feel that way again. I’ve dissected every one of my past relationships and come out on the other end with a new disdain for some guys, and a new appreciation for others. But most notably, I feel more cut-throat in a Queen of Hearts kind of way. I fear that I don’t currently possess the chip that would allow me to fall truly, madly, deeply.
Maybe that will change. I hope so. I hope I can get back to that heart-beating-out-my-chest, thrills-before-common-sense feeling, at some point.
It’s hard, because I don’t have any desire to experience that crippling heart-wrenching pain of heartbreak ever again. But on the other hand…that feeling when you love someone more than you can handle…whoa. That’s when you’re really living.
To anyone who has watched some Seinfeld, remember when Jerry broke up with someone because she was a low talker? Or that time he dumped a woman for having man hands? What about when Elaine dumped David Puddy for basically not doing anything to occupy himself on a flight? Jerry and friends were always dumping people for outlandish reasons.
But I do believe one man’s petty reason is another’s deal breaker. I am totally one of those people who flips a switch and checks out for reasons that are seemingly insignificant to others.
Some of my offbeat reasons for ditching assorted guys of my past:
-he put his knife right in his mouth and licked it clean at the dinner table. I’m a stickler when it comes to basic table manners, and this was in public, to make matters worse – but quite frankly, it wouldn’t have made a difference if it had been in private.
-“I seen” was a standard phrase in his speaking repertoire and somehow “I saw” never made the program. I cannot deal with people whose mother tongue is English not knowing when to say “I’ve seen” and “I saw”. The minute a love interest utters the phrase “I seen“, I cringe. It just screams trailer trash to me.
-he couldn’t keep a beat on the dance floor to save his life AND truly believed he was a good dancer. I’m not sure what was more unattractive: the way he would screw up my groove by invading my dance space with his shitty swaying movements, or him actually believing he was good and being sort of cocky about it.
-the first kiss involved too much slobber or too much tongue. I have no tolerance for bad kissers – I did give a few second and third chances back in my teens or early twenties, but there’s no such thing as a good kisser having an off night – I’m sorry, there just isn’t. And I don’t enjoy being a guy’s smooching tutor. P.S. no bad kisser ever proved to be a great lover. I don’t care what anyone has tried to sell you. It just. Doesn’t. Happen.
These are the ones I’m willing to admit. I don’t feel bad about any of my dealbreakers, publicized or not – we like what we like. There are just certain things I can’t come back from, and that’s that.
What are your dating quirks?
One of my friends was talking to me about some guy she’s been dating, and I guess she hasn’t been too enamoured with him. She said that he awkwardly and somewhat formally broached the subject of becoming exclusive with her and that she always dreads when guys make that overture.
My reaction was basically “????????”
Am I alone in that I haven’t ever experienced this? I mean, I’ve dated guys and the situation we were in just sort of drifted off…and I’ve been in a number of exclusive relationships, but there’s no one instance I recall where I had a formal convo about being in an exclusive situation.
A part of me thinks the idea of that formal convo is just a thing for people who are sort of conservative and therefore pretty into rules. Where I’m from, a lot is unspoken, and it’s never posed a problem for me before.
Have you ever had awkward “we’re in a relationship” convos? Did they end well?
…for the same reason I refuse to follow He Who Shall Not Be Mentioned – out of principle. Also, I’m not even the slightest bit interested to watch. I’ll be going to the movies, and then out for drinks.
I will, however, be looking for any coverage on the Women’s March on Washington on Saturday. I might even seek out the march in my city (which is in Canada, because we feel the pain right there with you, our American friends) and get my peaceful protest on!
Gritting my teeth and hoping for the best (but expecting the worst) over the next 4 years. Fingers and toes crossed!