Love Kernels, A.K.A. Things I’d Share With 20 Year Old Me

March 12, 2017

Okay…I know I’ve mentioned this twice already…but I cannot stress enough how much I love Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and how you should be watching.

I’m just getting into Season 2, because I’m behind (and I hate myself for it), but it’s still amazing, as far as I can see.

I’m into the fourth episode of the second season but I’m still thinking of Episode 1 because the musical numbers are fucking GOLD.

Not only can I not stop singing this song, but I’m beginning to wish this show had been around for my twenty something year old self. If I had a dollar for every love kernel my friends and I stockpiled in our twenties, I would’ve retired at 30.

It’s crazy how we took some small, insignificant sound bite from a conversation with our men of the hour, and twisted it to make ourselves believe that these guys were worth additional effort. We did this often, and without fail.

Bless this show and bless Rachel Bloom for showcasing this kind of thing that is so relatable.

This show is so good, guys 🙊


Cheers to women, and to the people who love and respect them

March 8, 2017

My wish for this International Women’s Day is for at least a few men and women (who don’t get it yet) to be awakened to the idea that being a feminist does not equal man-hating, or extremism, or hypersensitivity. It takes time and education to get there. I personally learned so much about things I didn’t realize I needed to learn, as recently as 5-6 years ago. It’s okay not to be completely enlightened, as long as you realize it’s never too late to open your heart and mind. All love! ❤️


Three Ways to Fast-track Emotional Intimacy

February 18, 2017

In my personal experience, there are a few situations that always end up advancing relationships. Three things in particular come to mind when I think of notable moments with friends, family or love interests.

Fire or candlelight: I am all about a nice roaring fire or some strategically placed candlelight. There is just something about the amber hues and the warmth of the flames that make a situation conducive to confiding or just good ol’ cuddling. Even solo, I could sit and watch a fire all night, and just get lost in it. Pair it with someone I am fond of, and there’s a whole other layer. Something about the coziness makes the situation foolproof for bonding.

Late night conversations: if you want to get closer to someone, platonic or otherwise, I’d recommend a late phone convo. Whenever I find myself hanging out with someone well after midnight for an extended period, chances are good that I will emerge from that hangout closer to the person than when I went in. The same is true for late night phone conversations…although I know most of you don’t engage in phone convos these days. You should, though. Something about a lazy and relaxed discussion with someone you care about, but with a phone line between you to eliminate any in-person pressure to physically react a certain way, makes the interaction easy going. And induces an intimacy that would not come so easily otherwise. Suddenly, you’re telling things you didn’t think you would, and learning things about the other person that you never thought you would.

Road trip: whether by car or bus or train, this is one of my favourite ways to connect with someone. Being on the open road just gives you a sense of connection akin to if you were the last people on Earth. Being confined to a vehicle with people just gives you a sense of togetherness you can’t deny. If you already like that person, and assuming you are emotionally compatible with them, you will probably emerge from that vehicle feeling more affection for them, and likewise, they will love you more.

At least this has been my experience with emotional intimacy. Share yours! 😏

 


Ever hate your friend’s significant other?

February 17, 2017

UGH. Worst feeling.

I generally don’t tell the friend how I feel unless there’s a serious concern regarding possible abuse. But honestly, shouldn’t emotional abuse be up there?

I always exercise the utmost respect towards the significant other unless there’s some major issue. Specifically if the friend marries that significant other. And I always pretend be neutral when my friend starts trashing her spouse (yes, this is extremely specific), because I know that it’s likely that fences will be mended by the time I come up with a concrete opinion.

But wow…there are so many things I’d say if I wasn’t scared my friend would basically ditch me in favour of this asshole.

Not sure where I can go from here…do I wait for him to shoot himself in the foot? And if he doesn’t? Then what?


Losing bonds

January 30, 2017

One of my personal policies is to not bring mutual friends into a conflict or issue I ever have with another pal.

I am starting to feel like I’ve basically set myself up to allow  toxic people to trample over me.

It’s pretty much a given, in the long term, that I lose friends who were mutually connected to a toxic person I cut ties with.

I am eternally blessed/cursed with the ability to see through people’s bullshit long before others do. We’re talking years and YEARS beforehand.

My personal ethics are such that I refuse to trash talk anyone to a mutual contact for personal gain. Most toxic types have no such policy, so I quickly catch wind that I’ve been not only talked about, but slandered too.

I think my main reason for letting the mutual friends go is that if it’s so easy for them to accept and believe outlandish crap fed to them by the toxic friend – without even approaching me or investigating for themselves – they were never really worth my friendship to begin with, were they?  This reality has dealt me some horrible blows, but it’s honestly the general rule.

As far as I’m concerned, if the price of dropping a toxic person means dropping people who choose to buy into the toxic person’s narrative, then it’s a price well worth paying for my sanity and overall well-being.

Brutal but true. Good luck to you if you’ve chosen to pander to  a toxic bitch, because it won’t end well. Cheers! 🍷😒

 

 


Epiphanies

January 24, 2017

Today is the birthday of one of my closest friends. While reflecting on her presence in my life (we’ve been friends forever), it occurred to me that there’s a very small pool of friends from my distant past with whom I have maintained the same level of closeness.

Thank goodness for those friends who don’t change post-marriage, who don’t skip a beat even if you go months without talking, who always remain a constant to you even after becoming parents, who listen when you’re going through something, who forever appreciate and love you for being you. They are rare gems and I have so much appreciation for them, the birthday girl being at the top of the list.

Cheers! 🍷🍷


What Not to Tell Your Friends

January 20, 2017

A little tip: don’t ever tell your close friends something about your significant other that you don’t want them to remember.

I have followed this rule religiously myself for my whole adult life, because I hate the idea of a friend of mine harbouring resentment toward something a boyfriend has done, when I’m over it. And maybe (to be truly honest) I want to avoid friends’ judgment for something I’m already judging the guy for. Not something I’m proud to admit.

I myself have a virtual treasure trove of knowledge on partners of friends, and let me tell you: I have never, ever forgotten these tidbits, even after all was forgiven between them.

One of my married friends has no idea how much I loathe her husband. Because I would like to maintain a positive relationship with her, I exclusively show cordial respect towards him (not that he shows the same respect back but whatever) even though I’d like to drop kick his fucking head into oblivion. I know she’s not leaving him, so I keep my mouth shut, but I hate the hell out of this douchenozzle.

Take it from me, your friends not only remember the bad stuff, they hold the grudge you’re not holding. I am famously way more protective of my friends than I am of myself. So either keep it to yourself, or just know that your friend is silently judging your partner if he/she has committed any egregious acts that your friend is privy to.