That Love Aesthetic

February 3, 2017

I was listening to some music, and this timeless song came on:

I was listening to the lyrics – like, really listening (which, honestly, I don’t necessarily do often when listening to my tunes) – and I was transported back to the times when I’ve felt this way.

“I still really, really love you. Love is stronger than pride.”

That line killed me because I have been there. What a gorgeous, yet excruciating feeling love can be.

I’m the most prideful person I know, and yet my pride couldn’t protect me from that almost debilitating feeling you get when you’re madly in love…that strange euphoria you feel unrelentingly… even the masochistic version you feel after the object of your affection has disappointed or hurt you.

Unfortunately (or fortunately), I feel like the emotional transformation I’ve been through over the last year or so has kept me from letting myself feel that way again. I’ve dissected every one of my past relationships and come out on the other end with a new disdain for some guys, and a new appreciation for others. But most notably, I feel more cut-throat in a Queen of Hearts kind of way. I fear that I don’t currently possess the chip that would allow me to fall truly, madly, deeply.

Maybe that will change. I hope so. I hope I can get back to that heart-beating-out-my-chest, thrills-before-common-sense feeling, at some point.

It’s hard, because I don’t have any desire to experience that crippling heart-wrenching pain of heartbreak ever again. But on the other hand…that feeling when you love someone more than you can handle…whoa. That’s when you’re really living.


Petty Relationship Dealbreakers

January 29, 2017

To anyone who has watched some Seinfeld, remember when Jerry broke up with someone because she was a low talker? Or that time he dumped a woman for having man hands? What about when Elaine dumped David Puddy for basically not doing anything to occupy himself on a flight? Jerry and friends were always dumping people for outlandish reasons.

But I do believe one man’s petty reason is another’s deal breaker. I am totally one of those people who flips a switch and checks out for reasons that are seemingly insignificant to others.

Some of my offbeat reasons for ditching assorted guys of my past:

-he put his knife right in his mouth and licked it clean at the dinner table. I’m a stickler when it comes to basic table manners, and this was in public, to make matters worse – but quite frankly, it wouldn’t have made a difference if it had been in private.

-“I seen” was a standard phrase in his speaking repertoire and somehow “I saw” never made the program. I cannot deal with people whose mother tongue is English not knowing when to say “I’ve seen” and “I saw”. The minute a love interest utters the phrase “I seen“, I cringe. It just screams trailer trash to me.

-he couldn’t keep a beat on the dance floor to save his life AND truly believed he was a good dancer. I’m not sure what was more unattractive: the way he would screw up my groove by invading my dance space with his shitty swaying movements, or him actually believing he was good and being sort of cocky about it.

-the first kiss involved too much slobber or too much tongue. I have no tolerance for bad kissers – I did give a few second and third chances back in my teens or early twenties, but there’s no such thing as a good kisser having an off night – I’m sorry, there just isn’t. And I don’t enjoy being a guy’s smooching tutor. P.S. no bad kisser ever proved to be a great lover. I don’t care what anyone has tried to sell you. It just. Doesn’t. Happen.

These are the ones I’m willing to admit. I don’t feel bad about any of my dealbreakers, publicized or not – we like what we like. There are just certain things I can’t come back from, and that’s that.

What are your dating quirks?



Having The Talk

January 28, 2017

One of my friends was talking to me about some guy she’s been dating, and I guess she hasn’t been too enamoured with him. She said that he awkwardly and somewhat formally broached the subject of becoming exclusive with her and that she always dreads when guys make that overture.

My reaction was basically “????????”

Am I alone in that I haven’t ever experienced this? I mean, I’ve dated guys and the situation we were in just sort of drifted off…and I’ve been in a number of exclusive relationships, but there’s no one instance I recall where I had a formal convo about being in an exclusive situation.

A part of me thinks the idea of that formal convo is just a thing for people who are sort of conservative and therefore pretty into rules. Where I’m from, a lot is unspoken, and it’s never posed a problem for me before.

Have you ever had awkward “we’re in a relationship” convos? Did they end well?

Time Travel & the Former Self

January 18, 2017

Ever wanted to go back in time and counsel your younger self? Same here. Mostly not to take any shit from anyone.

These are some of the ways in which I would help out baby Precious….

1.  About those guys I politely declined for dates. The ones I’d been friends with previously, and then, after I gave the the “thank you for the offer, but no thank you” response, treated me like actual trash…I would tell my younger self to verbally eviscerate these trash bags, and to forget about trying to be likeable and trying to save these idiots’ egos. I remember one guy in particular, who did his best to make me feel inadequate just because I’d said no (which I said while apologizing for my “no”, which – wtf). I wish I’d just told him no and then laughed at his subsequent meanness. Just to make sure he knew how fucking idiotic he was for his behaviour.

2. I wish I’d recognized the ways in which certain girls were edging me out of friendship circles, and I wish I’d just walked away, instead of sticking around and letting these girls treat me like a  2nd class citizen.

3. I wish I’d listened to my instinct when I wasn’t sure I wanted to include this one crazy bitch in my friends’ weekly happy hour event. Including her meant having to spend over a decade trying to shake this bitch off. Swear to god. Anyway, I’d tell my younger self to be more ruthless and just “do you”.

4. I wish I’d immediately told that one boyfriend I wasn’t into long term relationships when he passive-aggressively guilted me into a long term relationship. I wish I’d understood that I was within my right to be flaky and drop this dude (who ended up being a jerk anyway).

Question of the Day

January 15, 2017

What is better: loving with everything you’ve got regardless of how much you’ve been hurt in the past –  or keeping your cards close to your chest, and possibly missing out on a great love of your life? Is living and loving hard preferable to avoiding  crippling heartbreak?

Age-Old Question: Can Men and Women Maintain Platonic Relationships?

January 7, 2017

I live in a big city, so I walk a lot. The other day, I overheard a conversation between two guys who were walking a few paces behind me.  They were discussing some sort of conundrum that one of the men was facing.  It had something to do with his desire to change his relationship status with a female friend from “platonic” to “romantic”.  I hadn’t been paying a whole lot of attention to their discussion until I heard Conundrum Guy say “Anyway, I told her that I cherish the friendship.”

Call me a cynic or whatever you will, but this line was enough to have me laughing on the inside – I didn’t want to collapse in hysterics right there on the street, shocking and wounding Conundrum Guy.  It’s obvious to me, however, that this guy is letting his crush believe that he values her friendship above all else, when, really, he just plans to hover in the hopes that she will eventually give in and see him as more than just a pal. Read the rest of this entry »

3 Somewhat Unlikely Things Men Have Taught Me

January 6, 2017

Everyone who knows me knows that I love men.  Gay, straight, and everything beyond and in between.  I’ve just always related to guys really well, starting from way back in my childhood. Not so much that I’ve ever wanted to be one because let’s face it: being a girl is *FABULOUS*.  Am I right, ladies? I mean, other than the oppression and discrimination that we’ve faced since the beginning of time.  But work with me, here.  I’m trying to be a little less ranty than I’m used to being.

I tend to love my boys, but I do have a concentrated pool of fantastic females whom I love and admire, and regardless of my love for the male contingent in my life, I always feel obligated to acknowledge my girls.

I realized the other day, though, that some of my favorite and most enduring beauty tips have come from men; Read the rest of this entry »