Your Privilege is Showing

April 29, 2017

There’s a constant stream on social media of privileged assholes who are forever bitching about rights initiatives, and when I say ‘bitching’, I mean they are whining that current initiatives are cramping their style.

International Women’s Day, Black History Month (and/or #blacklivesmatter), Pride events, and anything else that falls under a marginalized group’s event category, are all amazing and important to millions.

Truth be told, these should be important to you even if you don’t personally fall into the category of a marginalized demographic. Because we’re all human, and we’re supposed to look out for one another. It baffles me that more people don’t feel this way.

BUT if you are someone who questions why there isn’t an International Men’s Day (there is one though), or a White History Month (are you fucking serious?), or Straight Pride (honestly, sit the fuck down, you dumb bitch), then I’m here to tell you that you have issues.

Please spend some time researching the terms you seem to have a problem with. Try to understand that, sometimes, it’s not all about you. Better yet, be a more well-rounded person and engage with people who aren’t your exact mirror image, so that you can relate when issues outside of your bubble come up. Be friends or acquaintances with people who are different from you so that you don’t go into the world as a completely ignorant asshole.

Lastly, think of others the way you’d like to be thought of. I’ll bet  your empathy levels will go through the roof.





Social Media Bullies

April 26, 2017

I promise I’ll get back into this blog very soon. I’ve been focused on some other writing projects and things went a little sideways  in my life, but that’s no excuse.

I just needed to post this one thought. Ever notice abusive or bullying comments on Instagram? I mean, I mainly see them on public figures’ pages. But you know the ones. Written by assholes just for sport, attacking the person who posted the picture, usually with an insult geared at the way the person looks. It’s fascinating to me that every single time I click on these douchebags’ (commenters’) profiles, it turns out to be a private profile. Every. Fucking. Time.

So this basically means these trash bags spend their time posting unnecessarily disgusting comments to the accounts of fellow human beings – but can’t risk having to take what they dish out, so they make sure that people who go to their page (in the vain hope of getting insight into what these assholes are about) can’t see who they are, can’t comment on their photos, can’t victimize them the way they victimize others. Basically they are protecting themselves from trashy humans like themselves.

I cannot properly and sufficiently express my disgust. But I admit that, every time I see a trashy comment, and click on the commenter, I chuckle when their private profile proves me right. It’s a rarity to find a public profile for someone who abuses people online for sport.

I honestly can’t stand the human race sometimes.

What do we need to do to weed out the sociopaths from the human race?

No…I’m legitimately asking.


You Never Really Know What Someone Else is Going Through

February 26, 2017

This guy was trying to scoot past another guy in line behind me the other day at a store. He said, “watch out?” in a pretty convivial tone. He wasn’t trying to butt in, he just wanted to slide by and continue his shopping.

The guy behind me (the one who was being asked to step aside) pretty much lost it and made an aggressively snarky remark, the message of which boiled down to “you should’ve said ‘excuse me’ dude”.

I found it a bit much, but didn’t turn around. I then heard the guy behind me tell the girl behind him that his reaction was purely because he’d had a bad day, and he was in a bad mood. That wouldn’t have set me off either, but then the angry dude made some unnecessary disparaging remarks about the passerby guy. Including unnecessary and low-blow insults.

Listen. Listen. Always be aware that other things are happening outside of your world at all times. You never know what a shitty day a stranger has been through at any given time. Regardless of the shitty day you’ve had yourself. You never know what happened to someone 30 minutes before you lost it on them for little to no reason.

I’m not saying that this was the case today with this guy. I’m not even saying that you shouldn’t tell people off at times (because at times, people deserve it). And I am absolutely not saying we’re not allowed to be salty about people (because people do suck a lot of the time). But this guy in line behind me was projecting his feelings onto this other guy who clearly had no ill will toward him. I was there, and I heard the jovial tone in the alleged offender’s voice. How does he know what the deal was with the guy who innocently excused himself without saying “please”? It was just unnecessary venom.

I’ve had days where I feel shitty and hopeless in my life…and through some irony, those days are always the days when I encounter someone who approaches me for help at the most inopportune time.  What I’ve found is that in those times when I feel the most sorry for myself, helping someone else out or just listening to someone else’s plight, even those of strangers, usually does me some good. Either it helps put things into perspective, or it just distracts me from my own train wreck momentarily, which is a good thing. And there’s some euphoria that comes from helping someone out, at least if you’re a human with empathy.

If you have first world problems, there’s usually someone with worse first world problems, let’s be honest. And there’s always someone with worse problems, period. If we could all just be a little more cognizant of that, and more considerate of each other in general, we’d all be better off.

Thought of the Day

February 12, 2017

Every time I hand a bill to a homeless person, I wish for enlightenment for others. I really would love it if people would re-evaluate and pay attention to the homeless issues in their city.

I can usually tell if someone is begging for money to go get food or to purchase their chosen poison (booze, drugs), but that doesn’t really matter to me, unlike all these holier-than-thou bitches out there. Quite frankly – and I know this is an unpopular opinion – if a homeless person wants to take the money people give them to buy alcohol or whatever, I don’t judge them.

After a shitty day at work with a few choice assholes, I am known to go straight home and pour myself a stiff drink. And my life doesn’t suck. If I lived on the street and felt hopeless, hell YEAH I’d need a fucking drink. Good lord.

It is what it is, and everyone’s entitled to their point of view – but I’m so grateful for a roof over my head, a good job, my mental health…but listen. Not everyone has that. Judgy people need to back up and replace the judgment with an effort to educate themselves on how people become homeless in the first place. This is not the 1980s when there was no internet and people were ignorant because the media had free reign to BS them.

On a daily basis, you should remind yourself how lucky you are not to have circumstances that have landed you on the street. More importantly, you should remind yourself that, at any given time, all of us are just a few unlucky steps away from the same fate. Life is a crap shoot.

Stop judging people whose pasts you know nothing about.

Cheating and Being Cheated On: Is It Really All That Black & White?

February 10, 2017

Ever notice how people generally get really opinionated where cheating is concerned, especially when it involves a relationship other than their own?

Like, people are super, super judgy about it. In the minds of these self-appointed judges, the cheater is the devil, and the cheated on (if the cheated on forgives the cheater) is insane and stupid. No in-between.

I guess the media and pop culture is part of the reason for this. We’re always being subliminally told what to think. I think that anytime we can ignore the bias is a win for free thinking. One way or another, I have my own personal take on things.

In a nutshell, you can never really know what’s best for anyone but you. You can speculate, but you can’t truly understand other people’s circumstances.

Being the cheater: I once messed around (no sex, though) on a boyfriend back in my early 20s. Yeah, I said it. Judge if you must. I was a carefree soul who knew that she had no intention of making a life commitment at 21. I was also a codependent type who had a hard time speaking her mind to a guy who was (now that I look back) repeatedly and passive-aggressively guilting  me into staying in a relationship I wasn’t prepared to be in.

As soon as it happened, my instinct was that I needed to get the hell out of the relationship. I felt horrible for the betrayal, but I knew in my core that I’d feel worse if I told the boyfriend about it and inflicted the terrible pain I knew he’d feel. I genuinely cared about him, so the idea of him feeling pain due to my betrayal made me nauseous. I just had to get out. Which I finally did (albeit not quickly enough – there were a series of cringeworthy begging scenes, but I finally committed to leaving). The main thing is that I knew from the get-go that letting myself indulge in that behaviour absolutely shone a light on the fact that I wanted out of that relationship. Even without the background feelings of needing to escape, I think I’d be the same in any situation where I was the cheater (which I won’t ever be again though) – rather than inflicting heartbreak on someone I love, I’d rather just get the fuck out of the relationship. Period.

Being cheated on: The guy that cheated on me had absolutely no reason to think I would ever find out. Therefore, he had absolutely no reason to ever tell me about it.

I know what you’re thinking. You think he told me because he felt bad. Well, yeah. He felt bad for him. Not for me. It was uncomfortably obvious, from the words he chose to use, that he came clean in order to ease his own conscience, not to give me any sort of peace or relationship justice. Our subsequent discussion kept circling to how he felt and what he wanted, not about how he felt about me, not about how he was worried about how I felt. Yep. Pretty clear.

So my take on cheating:

a) if the cheater truly feels bad about cheating…and there is no way their partner could ever find out unless they tell them..the cheater should STFU and suffer their guilt on their own.

b) if someone tells you they cheated on you, check their mannerisms: did they tell you because they knew they’d eventually get caught? Or because they actually felt like you should know? And are they weirdly relieved that you know?

c) as a general rule, if someone is more focused on how coming clean affects them vs how it affects athe party who was cheated on, that person is trash.

Period. 😁


Couple Goals

January 17, 2017

In my twenties, I indiscriminately included certain friends in my “couple goals” category. My standards were pretty non-existent, to be frank. Criteria included “look cute together” and “they show up to things together”…those days are long over. These days, I’m removing names more than I’m adding them. Now that I have a better grasp on life, more insight into myself, and a better understanding of mutual respect between men and women, as well as my ideal when it comes to the couple dynamic (hint: there must be lots of laughter), I literally can’t imagine settling for a lesser partner now.

I literally can’t come up with one straight couple I know whom I would classify as “goals”…sadly, I am dead serious. (What chance do I have, then???!?!?!)

I know several gay couples who have been together for well over a decade and who are still exemplar. Others are bullshitting their way through, yes.

But for the most part, I know more gay couples who have stayed the course over the last decade – and actually continued to love each other – than straight couples.

I continue to be baffled by people who want to trash gays when gays literally have a better track record than said people when it comes to a decent… well, a decent lifetime in general. 💕






Lucky Friday the 13th

January 13, 2017

I am not superstitious (and I’ve never seen the movies), but I do love me some Friday the 13th.

As a kid, I always felt like the day was lucky. Widespread attention was paid in pop culture to the likelihood of disaster – but I always seemed to have great things happen to me on those days: I’d find out that a guy I liked actually liked me too, an exam would be cancelled, I’d find some crazy deal on those amazing boots I’d been wanting, I’d have an especially amazing night hanging with my best friend.

Somewhere along the way, I developed a love and positive anticipation for Friday the 13th.

And you know what? It’s a great metaphor for life. We should never, ever rely on others to tell us how to feel about anything in life. We should definitely listen and pay attention to different conversations – but we need to remember that our own opinions are most relevant and important to our own lives, and that life is what we decide to make it.

Happy Friday the 13th!