Petty Relationship Dealbreakers

To anyone who has watched some Seinfeld, remember when Jerry broke up with someone because she was a low talker? Or that time he dumped a woman for having man hands? What about when Elaine dumped David Puddy for basically not doing anything to occupy himself on a flight? Jerry and friends were always dumping people for outlandish reasons.

But I do believe one man’s petty reason is another’s deal breaker. I am totally one of those people who flips a switch and checks out for reasons that are seemingly insignificant to others.

Some of my offbeat reasons for ditching assorted guys of my past:

-he put his knife right in his mouth and licked it clean at the dinner table. I’m a stickler when it comes to basic table manners, and this was in public, to make matters worse – but quite frankly, it wouldn’t have made a difference if it had been in private.

-“I seen” was a standard phrase in his speaking repertoire and somehow “I saw” never made the program. I cannot deal with people whose mother tongue is English not knowing when to say “I’ve seen” and “I saw”. The minute a love interest utters the phrase “I seen“, I cringe. It just screams trailer trash to me.

-he couldn’t keep a beat on the dance floor to save his life AND truly believed he was a good dancer. I’m not sure what was more unattractive: the way he would screw up my groove by invading my dance space with his shitty swaying movements, or him actually believing he was good and being sort of cocky about it.

-the first kiss involved too much slobber or too much tongue. I have no tolerance for bad kissers – I did give a few second and third chances back in my teens or early twenties, but there’s no such thing as a good kisser having an off night – I’m sorry, there just isn’t. And I don’t enjoy being a guy’s smooching tutor. P.S. no bad kisser ever proved to be a great lover. I don’t care what anyone has tried to sell you. It just. Doesn’t. Happen.

These are the ones I’m willing to admit. I don’t feel bad about any of my dealbreakers, publicized or not – we like what we like. There are just certain things I can’t come back from, and that’s that.

What are your dating quirks?