Meatball Madness & Other Catastrophes

Week 11 at the Shore manse in Italy picks up where we left off, with Snooki the Terrible telling her boyfriend Jionni that she did, in fact, have sex with Vinny the other night.  He tells her he’s devastated and gets all emotional – communicating in a way that is more articulate than Snooki is probably able to understand.  She just knows the news is not good.  I can’t help but notice that during an argument, he and Ronnie are night and day.  Jionni talks about how Snooki has made him feel and tries to show her the issues from his perspective.  Ronnie shoves Sammi, beats his chest, and spews verbal abuse. Amazingly, the rest of the crew never bats an eye when Ronnie behaves like a bully, and yet they all thought Jionni was a jerk because he “should have known how Snooki is”, so apparently everything was his own fault.  I ask myself, not for the first time, why Jionni has associated himself in any way with the likes of these people.

Deena, once again, tries to convince Pauly to “do sex” with her.  I still do not understand, for the LIFE of me, why this girl hasn’t clued into the fact that this guy would rather have his head dipped into a vat of hot wax than have sex with her.  HE. DOES. NOT. WANT. YOU.  Good lord, get a clue, and stop humiliating yourself.

While Deena plans to cap the night by sleeping with Pauly, Pauly is telling us that he needs to make sure he brings a girl home from the club so that the spot in his bed is occupied.  I’m not optimistic that he can make that happen, unless they find a spot filled with drunken Americans wanting to make their television debut in his bed with a camera and a black light pointing at them.  Because, in case you haven’t noticed, these guys have yet to score with an Italian girl.

Turns out, they do meet English-speaking girls, presumably from somewhere in North America.  One of them touches the sculpture on Pauly’s head and he pretty much freaks out on her.  So…no go with this one.

By the time Sammi and Ronnie decide to leave the club, Pauly still hasn’t found a girl he can bring home to save him from what he clearly sees as certain doom.  As they leave, Ronnie jokingly warns Pauly that he doesn’t want Pauly hooking up with Deena.  Pauly looks at him as though he’s just suggested that Pauly find a rabid dog and have sex with it.

"Are you on crack?"

Yup, Deena.  That is certainly the facial expression of a guy who wants you, but doesn’t want to ruin your friendship. Sure.

Pauly, Vinny and Deena barely make it into the taxi before she starts propositioning him again.  This has moved past embarrassing, and is starting to get creepy.  The whole way home, she harasses him, and he tries to talk his way out of it without coming out and telling her that he’s repulsed by her.  He even throws in a “joke” about how after he f**ked Vinny, it’s never been the same.  Mm-hmm, Pauly.  Do go on.