During the latest installment of Jersey Shore Italy, the gang is excited to head off for a weekend at the beach. They act like it’s a vacation that is badly needed. Aren’t their lives a permanent vacation, though?
Everyone overpacks for what is little more than a day trip, strapping suitcases to the roof and so forth – and it kind of looks like the cars will run out of gas before they clear the first block.
After they arrive at the beach and check out their temporary digs, Snooki tells us that “it looks like Hawaii…so maybe it’s an island, or maybe it’s, like, on the border of, like, a continent…” My guess is that she finally learned the word “continent” and has been dying to slip it into a conversation.
Deena remarks that she didn’t realize that there was a Caribbean island in Italy. If it was anyone else (outside of the Shore crew, that is), I’d believe they were kidding.
As they get more and more drunk, Snooki and Deena start loudly discussing “kookas” and Snooki shouts out, “How do you say ‘vagina’ in Italian?” Sammi has the good grace to be embarrassed by their behavior, but when an older Italian gentleman murmurs disapprovingly, Snooki and Deena smugly tell him they’re from Jersey, so whatevs.
Their classlessness knows no bounds, and you get the feeling that some of the Italian patrons in the vicinity are fighting the urge to spray the air around these girls with Lysol.
They do some shopping, and the belligerent behavior continues. Sammi and JWoww tire of being seen with them and deliberately lose them on the way back to the hotel. Drunk and Drunker hear house music and decide that they are going to find the source and continue their little party without boring old Sam and Jenni. Eventually, they run into the guys who tell them it’s pretty much time to get ready to go out for the evening, but they’re not concerned. The guys stick around to witness the continuing circus act, which includes Snooki taking a running leap into some shrubs:
… and Deena “dancing her underwear off”:
The guys decide to take off; even they can’t watch this train wreck anymore.
Later on at the club, Deena is revealed to be going commando and since the hem of her dress barely clears her butt, she’s giving the entire club a free show. JWoww is mortified but two guys catching the action are clearly tickled pink:
Deena follows up this portion of the program by rubbing up against Snooki and then making out with her as the roommates look on in horror. Someone asks Pauly if this particular lesbian action turns him on, and he’s about 500% sure that’s a ‘no’.
As they leave the club, Snooki and Deena continue to be hot messes. Pauly, being what I assume is meant to be witty says: “Stop making a scene and LEZ go!” – why does every joke that leaves this guy’s lips sound like something an 11 year-old thought up?
The next morning, the guys wake up and head out to a patio, with Pauly musing that Ronnie is trying to be him. He seems pretty put out by it, but Sitch assures him that the guy’s just trying to find himself. Well, if Ronnie thinks he’s going to find himself somewhere within that hideous blown-out Gumby hairdo of Pauly’s, maybe he should just stay lost.
Afterwards, while browsing in the shops, Pauly suggests that Ronnie try these pants on:
When Ron actually tries them on, I figure he really does look up to Pauly if he’s gullible enough to believe him when he tells Ron it’s a good look for him. Guess the gloves really are off, huh?
Later on, after Snooki and Deena have slept away the last leg of their trip, Sammi and JWoww tell them about their behavior the night before, of which they remember very little. When they get back to their digs in Florence, Snooki decides to call her boyfriend and come clean. Everyone’s gathered around, eager to watch the shit hit the fan. Pauly is especially psyched to watch Snooki’s relationship go up in flames. As usual. I don’t know which of them is the bigger gossip-monger, Pauly or Sitch. They’ll have to wait a little longer for the explosion, though, because Jionni is just fine with it.
The next day, Snooki and Deena head out to the gym and end up smashing their car into a police vehicle. Snooki doesn’t have her license with her when the cop asks for it, because, you know…why would you travel with your driver’s license when driving in a strange country?
Deena calls the house to have the guys bring down Snooki’s ID; meanwhile paramedics are placing one of the cops who was in the cruiser onto a stretcher, and another cop gives Snooki a breathalyzer test. Who knows – at this point, alcohol may have entirely replaced the blood in her veins, so even though she hasn’t been drinking today, her goose could be cooked.
Looks like that just may be the case when the police haul Snooki off in a cruiser. Huh. I’m a little surprised it took 7 whole episodes for someone to get arrested. Not surprised who it was.
I can tell from her whimpering that we’re supposed to feel sorry for her, but clearly nothing of consequence is going to happen. Nothing much of consequence ever really happens with these guys (as we saw with Sitch’s non-fight with Ronnie). Another dead giveaway is that the “Next on Jersey Shore” clip shows Snooki resuming her life as an asshole, with her horrible boyfriend there to witness it.
She then flips out and wonders why everyone is sick of her.
Charming. All of this horrific behavior has me wondering if I should start taking bets as to whether we’ll find out by the end of the season that this entire crew is banned from ever darkening a doorway in Italy again.
Would they even be all that heartbroken, though? You could probably fly Snooks to Iceland in February and tell her she was in Rome, only to have her lament, “Wahhh. Italy is even colder than Jersey in the winter.”