Snooki: What? There are consequences to my actions?

September 25, 2011

What did I tell you?  As usual, the “cliffhanger” we were fed at the end of last week’s episode of Jersey Shore Italy yields nothing of true interest.  Turns out the breathalyzer shows a 0.0 reading, and the police only take Snooki into custody because it’s taking so long for the guys to show up with her ID.  Procedure, that’s all – although, based on her histrionics, you’d think she was being jailed in some East Asian prison for a murder she didn’t commit, with no hope of parole.

The guys arrive on the scene in time to see the car being towed, and Pauly dramatically states that they are stressed out because who knows – Snooki being arrested could lead to the entire group being kicked out of Italy!  Gulp!  Um…seriously, Pauly….are you actually a 10 year-old dressed up as a grown-up?  What is wrong with you?  Are you really that idiotic?

It’s no great surprise to find out that Snooki was ordered to pay a fine and had her license taken away.  Contrary to what she tells Sammi, however, I highly doubt that she spent a nanosecond in a jail cell.

As Jionni gears up to arrive in Florence, he lets Snooki know that Roger, JWoww’s man, won’t be able to make it.  Some sniffling and weepy discussions follow and the girls decide they need to take JWoww out to get her mind off of this unspeakable tragedy.  The guys also decide to go clubbing, and engage in their bizarre version of dancing.

Apparently Snooki is still so shaken up by her horrific ordeal (and I get the feeling that the “ordeal” is not so much smashing into a police cruiser and sending a person to hospital, as it is having to spend time at a police station for the second time) that she’d rather stay home for the night.  She’s tickled when Brittany, Sitch’s standing booty call in Italy, shows up drunk and ready to hook up with Sitch.  Snooki thinks it will be the ultimate prank if she leaves Brittany in Sitch’s bed for him to find when he arrives with some other random chick.  Snooki tells us that Brittany is “such a dumb blonde”.  Yes, Snooki.  What a bimbo.  As opposed to you, the Rhodes Scholar, who just recently learned the word “continent”, but not the definition of one.  Sometimes, I feel like these people make it too easy for me.

Anyway, so Sitch brings some random chick home, and finds Brittany in his bed:

The drunk twin or the librarian...hmmm.

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2 Hot Messes, 1 Weird Hookup & 6 Horrified Roommates

September 20, 2011

During the latest installment of Jersey Shore Italy, the gang is excited to head off for a weekend at the beach.  They act like it’s a vacation that is badly needed.  Aren’t their lives a permanent vacation, though?

Everyone overpacks for what is little more than a day trip, strapping suitcases to the roof and so forth – and it kind of looks like the cars will run out of gas before they clear the first block.


After they arrive at the beach and check out their temporary digs, Snooki tells us that “it looks like Hawaii…so maybe it’s an island, or maybe it’s, like, on the border of, like, a continent…”  My guess is that she finally learned the word “continent” and has been dying to slip it into a conversation.

Deena remarks that she didn’t realize that there was a Caribbean island in Italy.  If it was anyone else (outside of the Shore crew, that is), I’d believe they were kidding.

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And the awards for self-pity and hypocrisy go to…

September 11, 2011
…the Situation and Ronnie, respectively.  I spent much of this week’s Jersey Shore Italy episode baffled by the level of self-delusion that seems to be rampant in that house.

The episode opens with Sitch on a sofa, moaning softly and staring straight ahead, with such a forlorn look on his face that he could be auditioning for  the role of Lady Guinevere in an off-Broadway stage production.

"Me have boo boo on neck."

Sitch tells us that he’s learned that he shouldn’t bang his head into walls in Italy. You know, because elsewhere, it’s perfectly commonplace to bang one’s head into walls.

The Abuser (as Ronnie shall henceforth be known) wakes Sammi up with a kiss and an apology and asks if she wants to talk.  She tells him they can talk later, which I guess, for her, is what passes for showing restraint.

We learn that almost none of the roommates have any sympathy for Sitch, because his injuries are self-inflicted.  I will say this: I do not disagree with them.  His weepy declarations of how he wants to go home do not move me.  Especially since he’s previously mentioned that he only has to wear the cervical collar for 10 days.  So, let’s face it – he has no intention of going anywhere – he just wants attention.

Ronnie provides it in the form of a tête-à-tête. Read the rest of this entry »

Jersey Shore Misogyny: Wash, Rinse, Repeat

September 4, 2011

Last week in entertainment news, Pauly D’s irritation with the Hollywood Walk of Fame’s decision to shut out reality television stars made me laugh and laugh.  Who at MTV was dumb enough to make these people feel so important that they’ve come to feel so entitled?  In any case, I sat down to watch the fifth episode of Jersey Shore Italy anticipating fireworks and mad entertainment.  I expected to watch Ronnie and the Situation destroy each other.  If you did, too, I imagine you were disappointed.

The denouement of last week’s fight between Ronnie and the Situation is laughable, and the lesson learned here is that the lives of these people really are as dull as they seem.  Even when you think something big is about to happen, it’s not.

We pick up where we left off, with Ronnie getting “gully” on Sitch’s ass…yeah, I’m still trying to figure out what it means to “get gully”, but whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not interesting.

Anyway, the one thing they didn’t show last week is that, after Sitch suddenly went batshit and started banging on the wall with his hands, he apparently bashed his head against the wall as well.

Sitch mistakes the wall for Ronnie.

It’s hard to tell with all of the sneaky editing, but it looks like he then gets up and resumes his histrionics.  Ron is concurrently blaming Sammi for everything that has transpired.  It’s somehow her fault that she told him about Sitch blowing his cover, which in turn caused Ronnie to behave like a wild animal that has been provoked mercilessly.  Do you follow? Read the rest of this entry »