In Defense of the Metrosexual

I love me a pretty man.

In fact, I have a long, scrumptious history of surrounding myself with beautiful men, and that’s not even counting the gays.  From the get-go, my taste in boys has tended towards guys who seem to not only have naturally good looks, but also harbor the talent to dress well and the predisposition to make special efforts in taking care of themselves.  And, um…no, Jersey Shore girls, this does not include “juicehead gorillas” – I will leave those gems for you.

I appreciate a guy whose parents have blessed him with fabulous cheek bones or piercing eyes or kissable lips – but being pretty is about more than just your inherited good looks.  Metrosexuals know this.  They go out of their way to purchase products that help keep their skin healthy, they pay special attention to what’s hot for men in the current fashion season, and they generally show at least a modicum of interest with respect to how they present themselves to the world.

More often than I’d care to, I’ve heard men denounce metrosexuals as “closeted dudes”.  Just as often, I’ve heard women speak of how they prefer their men to be “a guy’s guy” and how metrosexuals are supposedly not their type.

I’m totally into the idea of each woman having her own type – and thank heavens that not every woman is into the Pretty Man, because, let’s face it, that’s a few less women we metrosexual lovers need to fight off in the zoo known as the dating world.  But honestly, I have to say: I think these people are completely full of shit.

While it’s perfectly believable that different people have different tastes with regards to a potential partner, this whole supposed distaste toward men who like to take care of themselves smacks of bitterness.

As far as I’m concerned, straight men that look down on metrosexuals use their intolerance as an excuse not to make anything more than a miniscule effort to look decent.  It’s easier to mock the guy who is wearing a tailored Hugo Boss suit than to face the fact that your cheap-ass non-tailored department store brand suit doesn’t hang right and has been chafing your thighs for the last few hours, isn’t it?  It’s also easier to mock men who are fashionable than to actually make an effort to match your partner’s level of glitz and glamour as you head out for an evening.

You know how Seinfeld’s George Costanza said he would drape himself in velvet all the time if he could get away with it?  These guys would gladly roll out of bed, throw on a baseball cap, a shapeless baggy T-shirt (which, if you have anything close to a decent body, you shouldn’t be caught dead in) and baggy jeans.  And they would actually consider this “outfit” acceptable for dinner attire.

(Note: I am ALL for hot guys rolling out of bed with messy hair and throwing on a pair of well-tailored jeans and, uh, nothing else – just so I can throw you right back into bed and climb in after you – because morning sex is the best.  But I digress.)

Women who pass on metrosexuals probably don’t want them around because they don’t want to worry about the possibility of being outdone by their boyfriends.  In my day, I have definitely had to compete with a boyfriend (or several) for mirror time in the process of preparing for a night out.  Although I tend to make a big production of bitching at the time, I secretly find it hilarious and cute.  It’s so much better than dating a guy who dons an outfit he would wear to the dog park, and then thinks it’s acceptable to accompany you, in your awesome party dress, to a fancy party.  And yes, this is the worst case scenario.  But there are guys who, even if they bypass the dog park outfit, have a half-assed idea of what passes for “dressed-up”.  Women who are okay with that are generally not that chic themselves, or simply aren’t okay with their man eliciting as much awe as they do in a public setting.

A single girlfriend of mine swears she prefers “small-town” guys; by her definition, these guys have simple looks and little to no fashion sense.  When she dates a guy who favors fitted shirts and sleek dress shoes, she feels the need to run for the hills.  If this friend of mine was a bohemian type or just wasn’t into the whole urban deal, then I would understand.  But this girl is a cosmopolitan princess.  My guess is that she does not want to spend her time with a guy who might upstage her; she wants to lead in the “pretty” department.  Because, let’s be real – who’s going to say no to Gabriel Aubry because he isn’t “small-town” enough?  Yeah, that’s what I thought.

I actually find myself offended by what some men in this city consider to be acceptable attire in 2011 – this is, at least in part, because I’m originally from Montreal, a city where stylish men are more the rule than the exception.  At first, I thought maybe my expectations were a smidge high, and that maybe Montreal boys were a special case.   However, take a stroll down the streets of Manhattan and you will know better.  Not only that – but all over Europe, men take pride in being well-groomed and don’t shy away from funky clothes or cool accessories.  And last week, while watching coverage of the turmoil in Egypt, I found myself noticing some hot outfits on some of the young male protesters.  I was reminded that Arabic men also have a natural proclivity to amping up their style.  So if one can find metrosexuals on pretty much every continent, I would like to see more of them and less mediocrity on the streets of the otherwise fabulous city that I currently call home.

A few tips, gentlemen:

  1. Wearing a loose-fitting, bulky T-shirt under a dress shirt = FAIL.
  2. White socks with any outfit that you are not wearing into the gym or out for a run are not an option.
  3. When heading out to a club, if you feel that you must wear a blazer in order to appear “dressed up”, then what you need to do is:  a) find a time machine and hop in, b) set the dial to 2011 and come join us in the present, and c) go shopping.
  4. Dressing down and being comfortable does not have to involve looking like Al Bundy.  They make jeans with Lycra now – and T-shirts that fit you instead of creating a body kite as you walk are actually more comfortable than the alternative.  Look into it.
  5. Boxer shorts are over.  OVER.  If we are getting hot and heavy, and clothes are beginning to come off, I’d better see some boxer briefs, mister.
  6. Scruff, a.k.a. five o’clock shadow, is hot.  A lot of women don’t agree with me on that one, but I adore scruff on a pretty boy.  It’s just one of those things to love about men, along with the natural “man scent” they emit, the narrowness of their hips, and that space between their lower lip and chin. 

And ladies, don’t hate on guys because they look and smell good.  If they take care of themselves now, can you IMAGINE how good these guys will look 20 or 30 years from now?  Personally, I see the guy on my arm as a live accessory.  The yummier he is, the better I look – am I right???

Perks of having a metrosexual boyfriend:

  1. He’s yummy to look at.
  2. He can and will give you an honest opinion of how you look when you are trying on clothes, and will probably save you from questionable purchases.
  3. He’s yummy to look at.
  4. Other guys will tend to be more captivated by you than usual, largely based on the fact that you have this delicious specimen on your arm – make no mistake: guys are into pissing contests, and while they don’t usually admit to noticing another guy’s good looks, they TOTES notice when you are in the company of a good-looking man, and they immediately assume you are a catch because of it.
  5. He’s yummy to look at.
  6. He will not mock you for having a bunch of beauty rituals.  He probably has more beauty rituals than you do.
  7. Did I mention he’s yummy to look at?  Who doesn’t enjoy pleasant scenery?

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not shallow, but why shouldn’t I be allowed to have pretty things?  Why should any of us deprive ourselves?  And again, embracing personal style is more about presentation and less about gene-determined traits.

Of course, I know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and that everyone has their own view on what constitutes attractive.  If there are people out there who insist that they really don’t like the metrosexual man, that’s okay.

But I still think they’re full of shit.

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One Response to In Defense of the Metrosexual

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Randy P, precbydes. precbydes said: The metrosexual man is underrated. I personally like to be surrounded by pretty things. http://bit.ly/g6poAR […]

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