Years ago, when the television show Will & Grace made its splash, I used to be kind of jealous of Grace. Yes, she was only a character on a sitcom (and a bit of a mess at that), but damn if her relationship with Will wasn’t worthy of envy. Will was fantastic – he was a supportive girlfriend and a doting husband, rolled into one hot gay package. Grace could count on him to laugh with her, cry with her, bitch with her, and he always looked after her the way a smitten lover would care for his woman. I’ve always had gay friends, but that level and type of intimacy had thus far eluded me.
Fast forward to current times. Nowadays, I can’t swing my purse without hitting one of my awesome gay boys. Within my army of gays, as I like to call it, I feel like I’ve been blessed with not one but several “Wills” – guys I feel particularly close to, whom I like to refer to as my “husbands”. They can always be counted on to make me feel like a trillion bucks.
Something you should know about me is that I was in a significant long-term relationship, during which time the majority of my male friends (gay, straight, some “straight” on the way to gay) seemed to disappear into the proverbial woodwork. It’s not something I wanted by any means, but it can be hard to maintain close friendships with multiple males when one male is the center of your universe (lesson learned – so not worth it, and I won’t make that mistake again – but that is a subject for another post).
After my relationship crashed and burst into violent, toxic flames a couple of years ago, my time with friends obviously increased. The more time I spent with the gay bfs, the more gay bfs I acquired, and the less I felt inclined to spend time with straight male friends and acquaintances, or even to go on dates. Truth be told, I’m beginning to worry that I’ve spoiled myself for straight men. If your favorite mall kept all the good stores in one wing of the building, why would you ever have any need or desire to venture to the other sections? Especially if the few times you gave the other sections a try, they thoroughly disappointed you?
As it stands, I have no need to venture to the other side of the mall. Nestled comfortably within my army of gays, I receive frequent displays of affection, admiration and respect. My gays know chivalry in a way that, frankly, no straight man can ever hope to comprehend. Opened doors, pulled out chairs, compliments on how fabulous I am and endless declarations of unconditional love – who could resist? Also, most of them are hotter than holy hell.
It’s enough to make a girl hole up in the Village and sign up for a gender change operation.
One of my girlfriends, when I told her this, said, “Yeah, I agree for the most part. But…I like my men to know how to fix a car, and do my heavy lifting, and build stuff.”
“Check, check and CHECK!” I replied excitedly. “I don’t know what bad 80s movie you think we’re living in, but many gay men do all of that and they’ll knock your socks off with a gourmet meal at the end of the day.”
Of course, I know very well that one cannot generalize either way – my last boyfriend was a metrosexual who avoided getting grimy at all cost, and I know gay men who cannot cook or dress themselves to save their lives – but my point was that I know guys that do it all, and do it well.
So…for what reason should I make that foray back into the straight scene again?
“Sex.” my friend informed me triumphantly. “Intercourse. You know, sustenance.”
Right. Of course. If I was an asexual type, I could probably go without. Being kind of a huge fan of sex, however, that wouldn’t really work out for me.
Truth? I’ve entertained the prospect of luring one (or more) of my gay boyfriends over to the other side, if only for a drunken evening. Far-fetched, you think? Think again. I can attest to having been out dancing with the boys, maybe with another “hag” thrown into the mix for good measure, when a few of the boys prompted a turn-taking, largely-for-show-because-they-think-life-is-one-giant-Madonna-video, group makeout session. Yes, we are talking guy-on-guy, girl-on-girl, guy-on-girl. It should have been really hot, right? Especially in full view of the rest of the club patrons (I may be a bit of an exhibitionist – nothing new, but that’s an entirely separate post, too). Honestly, though? I felt about as much as a Hollywood actor feels while filming a love scene with 40 cameras and crew members crowding their personal space. It felt like we were putting on a show, because that’s all it was.
No, I want a hot, steamy suck-face session with a hot gay bf who is intoxicated enough to forget that my anatomy just ain’t gonna do it for him.
I know what you’re thinking. WHY in heaven’s name wouldn’t I just want to find myself some hot straight guy to do this with?
I do, on occasion – but considering the ridiculousness that seems to come with some of those encounters…well, let’s just say that there is a security in knowing that ultimately with a gay bf, it can’t and won’t go anywhere. Consequently, you can usually rest assured that no infantile complications will follow:
1. You don’t wonder if he will call (he will).
2. You don’t worry that you like him more than he likes you (he loves you to pieces and will hardly blink when he recalls what happened).
3. You don’t worry about how to get rid of him if the action left something to be desired (it’s a moot point, because you never have to do it again).
4. You don’t care if you see him making out with someone else the following week (in fact, you may just happen upon him lip-locked with someone else the same night – or you might be).
5. There will be no idiotic drama that ensues. He will not sweep you up into a post-makeout schmoozefest, whereupon he showers you with promises of the start of something big and then disappears into a puff of cowardly smoke. There won’t be any weirdness when he realizes how sassy you are, the way some straight men seem to have an allergic reaction to a woman’s confidence and cleverness (especially if she’s more confident and clever than he is, but alas…that is yet another post). Gays love our sass and can’t get enough of it!
So yeah, I’m a little worried that, by surrounding myself with men that appreciate me and are not afraid to show appreciation for me, I am setting myself up for disappointment in the straight male arena. Recently, I spent an evening with some female friends, the new boyfriend of one of the girls, and a few of his buddies. I have to say, I was less than impressed, and this is due in no small part to their blowhard, less-than-forthcoming manner. The funny thing is that I’m pretty sure that this behavior wasn’t quite as annoying to me before. I’m equally sure that having been so intimate with the gay contingent for such an extended period has made me acutely aware of the joys of hanging with them, and consequently more aware of some of the weaknesses of heterosexual males.
Ultimately, and in all seriousness, it’s the friendship component that has me hooked. I’ve always been a guy’s girl…I’ve probably been included in more “boys’ nights out” than most women have. I have two brothers and no sisters (other than my best girlfriends whom I’ve always considered family), and have always had at least one male sidekick in my inner circle. But now, interestingly, having inadvertently shut the straight male contingent out of my social circle for an extended period, I’m floored by the level of immense security, sincerity and respect that seems to have come with these bonds with gay men, a level that is never reached with a straight male friend unless, let’s face it, he hopes to get into your pants someday. I always refused to believe that there was anything to the “When Harry Met Sally” phenomenon, that (straight) men and women couldn’t be friends without romantic complications. But as time has gone on, it’s become all too clear – kind of hard to miss when your supposed “friends” discreetly exit the canvas when it becomes clear to them that they will never bed you. That may sound cynical, but I’ve experienced this time and time again.
So really, with the gays, it’s not just about how hot they are…it’s about how we can have frank, meaningful conversations, alongside the “nothingness” conversations, and the consistent love and laughter, and how I always come away feeling like a precious gem. Never by accident – these guys enjoy making their girlfriends feel good about themselves. And there is no worrying that it’s contingent on them getting into your pants. In fact, you’re more likely to have to continually remind yourself that they are off-limits to you.
I wouldn’t trade them for anything, truth be told. I haven’t become completely jaded with regards to straight guys, by any means. I like to think of myself as an optimist, and since I’ve managed to consort with great guys in the past, I’m hoping to have even better luck in the future.
I’m just grateful, let’s put it that way. I’m grateful for every last drop of positivity that my gay boyfriends bestow upon me. They just make my life better.